I think I won the penis lottery.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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