mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
