I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
