yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My dick has a subreddit
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
