this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
