Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
