what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize