Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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