Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
