Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
