everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
