I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
