End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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