Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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