It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
