Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
