I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
