Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
