i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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