Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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