mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
