Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
