We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
