Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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