just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize