Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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