so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Randomize
