I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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