Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize