the condom got lost in my hair
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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