please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
