I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
