A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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