What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
