i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
