I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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