You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
