I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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