dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
