there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
