Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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