he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
