Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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