Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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