no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
