does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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