it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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