i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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