I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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