he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
