This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
