I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
