I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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