I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
