hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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