I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
