I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
