...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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