you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
