I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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