Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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