Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.