And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
pray to the hookup gods
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.