If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
its not stalking. its research.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.