I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
